Thursday, 25 August 2016

Bums: What's the big deal???

"Does my bum look big in this" was the phrase inspired by the svelte (to say the least) physique of miss Moss in the early 90s and echoed from the lips of a million women for at least the next decade. Until now. Or maybe not now, I am a bit late to join the big butt parade in all honesty.

Kim Kardashian broke the internet with her bum last year and the number of bum implant surgeries taking place has rapidly surpassed the sweetheart of the naughties- its cousin, the boob job. What was once just a trend favoured by our Brazilian friends is no longer excluded for the beaches of South America, women around the globe are now reaching for injections, squatting countless times a day and even buying padded pants to make their booty look worthy of a Kardashian's instagram post.

But for me, the worrying part of this trend is the rise of the so called 'waist trainer'. Sounds harmless enough I know, I mean I know my waist could do with lil' bit of old training. But don't be deceived, this waist trainer is infact a medieval style contraption, a corset designed to augment the hips (and thus tha asssss) and contract your waist to a minuscule size. Advertised by celebrities and adopted with glee by young women desperate to resemble their favourite instagrammer of the hour, people seem unaware of the glaringly obvious resemblance to the corsets used to mali women's bodies in the 17th century.

Now there is nothing wrong with wanting a big bum, I appreciate a juicy pair of cheeks as much as the next gal- one of my friend's has an impressively pert pair which I like to squeeze after a particularly stressful day. But we must remember that this is just a trend. Throughout history, trends have seen women's bodies shrink and grow, and I fully support your grabbing of these padded pants if this is what your heart truly desires. However, the thought of young girls permanently augmenting their bodies for a reason which is ultimately a fashion that will pass, is slightly depressing. Bums are ace, there's no denying that. But they are ace in all their shapes and sizes, pancake ones slide in to jeans with ease and giant ones are great for extra shelf storage in a small apartment! So embrace what you've got ladies (or gents.)


Monday, 8 August 2016

The Art of Travel Dressing

Hello hello my non-existent readers!

I have been away much to the dismay of a total zero people. Maybe my mum missed me a bit, but that was more likely because I wasn't there to babysit my little brother and sister, not because I wasn't posting more pointless ramblings. 

Anyway, I have been in Europe for a month (just making the most of it before we get officially chucked out for good) and aside from truly finding myself and dabbling with Buddhism, I also learnt a lot about what maketh a good travel outfit. So listen up anyone who is thinking of discovering themselves in thailand/backpacking round Eastern Europe/popping to the shop for a pint of milk. 

Rule Numero Uno (yeah we're going fully exotic here- that's Spanish btw... I think)
Number 1.
The less clothes the better. Yes. Really. Now say it over a few times in your head to really drill in the message. Yeah, you might want to bring your bejewelled beret and fur lined clogs, but you are NOT going to wear them and they will be the first things to be thrown into the nearest lake when you are sobbing and can no longer support the weight of you bag whilst surviving on a packet of super noodles a day. Your mum was right, essentials only. And this isn't only because they will make your bag excruciatingly heavy, but you will basically end up wearing the same two items of clothes in rotation for the full trip anyway.  As well as this, it just makes the packing process easier as well, if you're chucking in your tie dye sarong then why can't you bring your pompom adorned Bardot dress and the rest of the crew? It just gets like Sophie's choice so say no outright and save yourself some heartache later on. Plus, less to take off when you're dancing on a bar in Amsterdam... no? Ok just me then.

Numba Dos. 
Hope you're still listening MIS AMIGOS. Travel with someone who you can share clothes with. And force them to do this even without their consent as this is absolutely essential. You've immediately doubled your wardrobe for the trip without paying all those extra dollar dollar bills when your bag weighs too much at check in. You get so bored of wearing the same clothes over and over whilst away, there was one dark day where I actually shed a tear for my leather jacket hanging alone in my wardrobe back in old Blighty, and this helps break the tedium of wearing your denim shorts for 28 days straight.

Look up the weather. And try to pack accordingly. There's nothing worse than trying to cut your own favourite jeans in to shorts to stop from excessive sweating and chafing because you didn't realise Marrakech was having a hot spell. Or equally fashioning your jumper sleeves into leg warmers because it's 12 degrees in Poland not 30. 

Cuatro Baby.
Bring a cagoule. Are you being sick? Coming out in cold sweats? That's ok, I did too when such a notion was suggested to me by my mother. But there is nothing worse than looking at 18th century churches when your socks are wet and every time you turn your head to admire the architecture you are attacked by a stray drip of water from your own fringe. And when it does start to rain, you feel like the motherf***ing p i m p if you can reach into your bag and produce a waterproof garment. Fact. 
If a cagoule is necessary it might as well be a nice one, and unless you're inclined to get a leopard print one from Primark I suggest a K-Way. Check it out, honest, you might not even be sick when you wear it and catch your reflection in a passing car window.

Image- Tumblr