Friday, 30 December 2016

2016. The Year That Was.

The year that was shit? Yeah I know some pretty grim things did happen. Not quite ready to talk about the events of the 23rd of June and I shall not be mentioning the man whose name rhymes with Bonald Hump. Plus some really bloody cool people died.

But alas my dear people. It was not all bad. Don't get me wrong I still can't wait to wave goodbye to the basic bitch of a year that was 2016. But here are some really good things that happened this year to just to help you deal with your post Christmas slump and dread of the year to come...

Peace in Columbia

Sri Lanka is now Malaria free

The ozone layer is repairing itself

200 strangers attended the funeral of a homeless WW2 veteran with no family

Over 800 Boko Harem Hostages were rescued by Nigerian Army

Happy New Year. 2017 can be better.


Thursday, 3 November 2016

Cigarettes: Will Cause Cancer, May Also Make You Look Cooler

I'm going to say something controversial here, so I apologise in advance (especially to you, Mum.) 

But in the words of Chandler Bing, smoking is cool and you know it. This may seem like a ridiculous thing to say, especially coming from someone who doesn't smoke, and in 2015 when we know how completely shitty cigarettes really are for you and it probably is. 

But there's got to be a reason why cigarettes are still so prevalent in fashion advertising, photography and films. And it's because they look cool. Little has really changed since James Dean first held a cigarette on the poster for 'Rebel Without a Cause'. If you want to make someone look mysterious, rebellious or sexy, just give them a cigarette to hold and the job is done. 

Exhibit A:

Images- All Pinterest
They also make you look very French which is obviously a plus. But I think what is also clear is that if you want to look cooler all you really need to do is be in black and white. It's a well known fact that every looks approximately 40% cooler in black and white. So great news kids- keep those lil' lungs of yours nice and pink, say no to cigarettes, and just put a nice monochrome filter on your photo instead!

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Julie Houts

My latest and possibly best(est) obsession. 

If you haven't checked out the J. Crew designer SLASH illustrator extraodinaire's Instagram yet then why not? Do you even have Instagram?? Ok, fair play, maybe you don't. Once again I found my newest Instagram fix in the depths of the explore page amidst hundreds of 'fitspo' pages featuring muscly nudey ladies showing me their biceps. 

So Houts or @jooleeloren as I affectionately call her (alright, maybe that's her Instagram handle) came as welcome relief from the ocean of tanned abdominals. With her combination of beautiful illustration and hilarious social commentary, Houts seems to crawl inside your little old mind pull out your deepest, darkest thoughts on anything from eating spaghetti to Donald Trump and turns it into the most beautiful pictures. Satirising the fashion industry and summarising the internal thoughts of nearly every 20something woman today these little old piccies are perhaps one of the only good things to emerge from 2016 so far. So until I can afford to buy enough of her prints to adorn my entire walls with in a wallpaper like fashion I'll keep stalking her Instagram. And you should too.

Thursday, 25 August 2016

Bums: What's the big deal???

"Does my bum look big in this" was the phrase inspired by the svelte (to say the least) physique of miss Moss in the early 90s and echoed from the lips of a million women for at least the next decade. Until now. Or maybe not now, I am a bit late to join the big butt parade in all honesty.

Kim Kardashian broke the internet with her bum last year and the number of bum implant surgeries taking place has rapidly surpassed the sweetheart of the naughties- its cousin, the boob job. What was once just a trend favoured by our Brazilian friends is no longer excluded for the beaches of South America, women around the globe are now reaching for injections, squatting countless times a day and even buying padded pants to make their booty look worthy of a Kardashian's instagram post.

But for me, the worrying part of this trend is the rise of the so called 'waist trainer'. Sounds harmless enough I know, I mean I know my waist could do with lil' bit of old training. But don't be deceived, this waist trainer is infact a medieval style contraption, a corset designed to augment the hips (and thus tha asssss) and contract your waist to a minuscule size. Advertised by celebrities and adopted with glee by young women desperate to resemble their favourite instagrammer of the hour, people seem unaware of the glaringly obvious resemblance to the corsets used to mali women's bodies in the 17th century.

Now there is nothing wrong with wanting a big bum, I appreciate a juicy pair of cheeks as much as the next gal- one of my friend's has an impressively pert pair which I like to squeeze after a particularly stressful day. But we must remember that this is just a trend. Throughout history, trends have seen women's bodies shrink and grow, and I fully support your grabbing of these padded pants if this is what your heart truly desires. However, the thought of young girls permanently augmenting their bodies for a reason which is ultimately a fashion that will pass, is slightly depressing. Bums are ace, there's no denying that. But they are ace in all their shapes and sizes, pancake ones slide in to jeans with ease and giant ones are great for extra shelf storage in a small apartment! So embrace what you've got ladies (or gents.)


Monday, 8 August 2016

The Art of Travel Dressing

Hello hello my non-existent readers!

I have been away much to the dismay of a total zero people. Maybe my mum missed me a bit, but that was more likely because I wasn't there to babysit my little brother and sister, not because I wasn't posting more pointless ramblings. 

Anyway, I have been in Europe for a month (just making the most of it before we get officially chucked out for good) and aside from truly finding myself and dabbling with Buddhism, I also learnt a lot about what maketh a good travel outfit. So listen up anyone who is thinking of discovering themselves in thailand/backpacking round Eastern Europe/popping to the shop for a pint of milk. 

Rule Numero Uno (yeah we're going fully exotic here- that's Spanish btw... I think)
Number 1.
The less clothes the better. Yes. Really. Now say it over a few times in your head to really drill in the message. Yeah, you might want to bring your bejewelled beret and fur lined clogs, but you are NOT going to wear them and they will be the first things to be thrown into the nearest lake when you are sobbing and can no longer support the weight of you bag whilst surviving on a packet of super noodles a day. Your mum was right, essentials only. And this isn't only because they will make your bag excruciatingly heavy, but you will basically end up wearing the same two items of clothes in rotation for the full trip anyway.  As well as this, it just makes the packing process easier as well, if you're chucking in your tie dye sarong then why can't you bring your pompom adorned Bardot dress and the rest of the crew? It just gets like Sophie's choice so say no outright and save yourself some heartache later on. Plus, less to take off when you're dancing on a bar in Amsterdam... no? Ok just me then.

Numba Dos. 
Hope you're still listening MIS AMIGOS. Travel with someone who you can share clothes with. And force them to do this even without their consent as this is absolutely essential. You've immediately doubled your wardrobe for the trip without paying all those extra dollar dollar bills when your bag weighs too much at check in. You get so bored of wearing the same clothes over and over whilst away, there was one dark day where I actually shed a tear for my leather jacket hanging alone in my wardrobe back in old Blighty, and this helps break the tedium of wearing your denim shorts for 28 days straight.

Look up the weather. And try to pack accordingly. There's nothing worse than trying to cut your own favourite jeans in to shorts to stop from excessive sweating and chafing because you didn't realise Marrakech was having a hot spell. Or equally fashioning your jumper sleeves into leg warmers because it's 12 degrees in Poland not 30. 

Cuatro Baby.
Bring a cagoule. Are you being sick? Coming out in cold sweats? That's ok, I did too when such a notion was suggested to me by my mother. But there is nothing worse than looking at 18th century churches when your socks are wet and every time you turn your head to admire the architecture you are attacked by a stray drip of water from your own fringe. And when it does start to rain, you feel like the motherf***ing p i m p if you can reach into your bag and produce a waterproof garment. Fact. 
If a cagoule is necessary it might as well be a nice one, and unless you're inclined to get a leopard print one from Primark I suggest a K-Way. Check it out, honest, you might not even be sick when you wear it and catch your reflection in a passing car window.

Image- Tumblr

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Brexit Fashun

It’s the most fashionable political campaign in decades. And I’m not just talking about Boris’ hair, or the sweat dripping down Cameron’s brow being the biggest fashion statement of the year.

The European Union referendum has got everyone talking, including the world of fashion. Firstly, there’s the facts; leaving Europe would be bad for most British fashion houses who count on foreign trade to support them, particularly support from within the European market. Burberry were one of the first who were keen to declare themselves as IN at the start of the campaign, the famously British brand announcing that it stood firmly with the decision for Britain to remain part of the EU. Next came many other brands following suit, along with more news on how Brexit would be terrible news for the fashion industry. 

Image- @BrexitandChill
Since then, numerous fashion faces have shared their personal stance on the matter, Vivienne Westwood herself even posing for a picture in a t-shirt reminding people to vote. Numerous others have followed suit, similarly persuading people to vote in, including the likes of Daisy Lowe and Bella Freud. It's not only the fashion world that feels strongly about remaining part of the EU. People from all creative corners have come forward in declaring how 'the UK's creative success would be severely weakened by walking away' as part of an open letter in the guardian in which Tracy Emin, Sam Taylor Johnson and many more, signed a petition to remain in Europe. 

So, I know it's not good to copy what cool people do... But the facts are there and the cool people are in. 

N.B Just don't jump off a cliff if they do 

Monday, 23 May 2016

Fan Girl-ing Over Fanpages

Fanpages is released next week. The long awaited creation of Bay Garnett and Kira Joliffe composing different creative people’s obsessions. If you are lucky enough to have a copy, simultaneously I hate you, and please share it with me. Luckily for those of us that didn’t nab one of the 1000 copies floating around the little old Isle of Blighty somewhere, the Sunday Times Style magazine gave us some juicy snippets of what is inside the Bible of 2016, and if you read it, and just try hard enough, you can almost imagine that you’re reading the actual thing. Almost.

The whole premise of the book is amazing- unsurprisingly seeing as it comes from the creators of Cheap Date. But it is a really interesting idea to think about what it is that obsesses somebody else. Based on the idea of teenage obsessions, I dread to think what my contribution to the book would be… I was really weirdly obsessed with Daniel Craig for a few years for some unexplicable reason as I hated James Bond. And I was also super into fortune telling, this fortune telling was mainly focussed around if a boy would snog me at the disco, but still. That’s why I’m not so sure about Sophie Dhal’s submission of her love for cashmere. Yeah, Soph, who doesn’t like cashmere eh?? I’m sure it’s bloody lovely if you can afford to collect 17 different cashmere sweaters but it wasn’t exactly what I was dreaming about when I was 13.

That's why I'm obsessed with coverstar Chloe Sevigny's obsession. A collage of images of Johnny Depp, River Pheonix and George Michael- of course annotated with the word 'babe'. I've got similar collages of adoration for various stars lurking in my cupboards somewhere (although I'm sure far less people would be interested in looking at them.) But it's just nice to be able to say that you have something in common with officially the coolest girl in the world. 

I already can't wait for next years Fanpages.