Saturday, 17 October 2015

The Art of Hangover Dressing.

So among the many (I repeat many- Hi lecturers!) things I have already learnt during my time at university, I don't mean to brag, but I have also mastered the art of hangover dressing.

So for all you freshers/students/actual real life adults who actually have their life together and an actual real life job but may have accidentally gone to the pub with Julie on a Tuesday night and had one too many glasses of riocha/let's face it just my mum because she's going to be the only one reading this, here is some eternal advice for all of you.

When hungover thou must sacrifice style for comfort. Yes, you may have been reluctant to follow this advice which originally came from the mouth of your mother as she tried to persuade you that a little black dress probably wasn't the best idea for a family dog walk through the countryside, but the gal knew what she was talking about. That't the annoying things about mums; they normally do.

A go to for me is a pair of baggy patterned hareem pants (yes I said hareem pants, I'm sorry) that probably break every fashion rule that ever existed and a Parisienne would never be seen dead in, that I got for £5 in a sale a few years ago, but that are also so comfy that they can just about trick your little hungover legs into thinking that they are still in pyjamas and that maybe the walk to a lecture theatre is actually a walk to the fridge.

Official pose and outfit of a hungover single girl

When hungover thou shall wear layers. This is the thing about a hangover, they're very unpredictable. One minute you're shivering, the next you're questioning whether you're going through early menopause because this is most definitely a hot flush and good god, yes you just googled it you are probably going to die as well. So you can see why layers are important. For me, a scarf is an essential. Only when wearing a scarf whilst hungover do you really realise how versatile the scarf really is. Favourites for me are fashioning a turban like sculpture with one on top of your head to hide your unwashed hair. (You knew last week you needed to buy more dry shampoo, you even wrote it down on that little post it, but then what happened, you lost the post it then decided that actually for the price of Batiste's finest you could buy a vodka cranberry and of course that is a better idea.) Also fun is to take the scarf off completely and use it as a pillow to rest your hungover head. Anywhere is acceptable, I'm a big supporter of a nap at any time but when hungover they are actually an essential. A nearby lamppost, a comfy looking bench, a bus, anywhere is a good idea and a scarf makes this nap even more comfortable. I have even been known to remove the scarf and drape it over my shoulders in a cape-like style which if you close your eyes and imagine hard enough you can pretend is your dressing gown which is of course what you should really be wearing.

If thou wakes up with last night's make up on... Just leave it on mate. I'm not going to lie I've made a lot of regrettable decisions in my life, but one of the biggest has to have been taking off last night's make up before leaving the house. It's always bitter-sweet when I wake up with my make up still on my face, my initial disappointment at myself and worry for my pores is soon replaced my still semi-drunken brain foolishly thinking that my make up still looks as good as it did last night. Although I can assure you your make up DOES NOT look as good as it did last night, just the fact that in your delicate state you will believe that is does, is good enough, every hungover person deserves to feel good about themselves, so you keep on that smudged red lipstick, those face gems (wait how did they even get there??) and you seize the day.

Good luck out there my hungover friends, I hope my advice may help some of you. May your hangovers be short, and your naps be long.


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